The Stuff

The other morning as I took my seat in my Econ class I had a few of my things sprawled out. I usually sprawl until I can organize it into way that will work. I looked down and took notice of my iPhone, the keys to my A4, my D&G sunglasses and the tupperware containing my organic yogurt, nuts and berries. It happened to be a Starbucks day as well, so we'll throw that into the mix.
I'm not saying this to brag. I'm using the specific items to make a point. I am WAY better off than so many other people. I get that i'm not in the right career field I want and that i'm often annoyed at not having a +1, but I have other things going for me. I do have a job that affords me several luxuries. I am able to buy many of the things that I want (albeit on sale.) I do pursue an active lifestyle and try to eat healthy!
There are so many positives and I am so much more prone to think about what I don't have than to be really grateful for what I do currently possess when it comes to material possessions. I get this is just "stuff" but it's my stuff and i've worked really hard to get it. And I should say, I really like it too! And i'm so thankful to be able to enjoy these things and live life to it's fullest!

March Madness

Serious delay in this post...I honestly have not had time to sit down and finish it!
Yes I know it's April - i've had this one in the vault for awhile now. And anyways March Madness isn't over until the last game anyway, which wasn't until last night when my Blue Devils took home the National Championship (AGAIN!!!)

So here's what happened in March:

1. Crazy stuff happening at work. Yes hi it's me the broken record with the crazy stuff going on at work on-going debacle of yet another reorg which impacts a ton of people here in IT including myself and some others close to me. Seriously...why can't NW get it together with some of this? I really am surprised at some of the actions of "higher-ups." I mean I suppose I shouldn't be, but I am...

2. Vacation! Yes Kim and I took our third trip to Siesta Key to hang out with her parents at the beach for a few days. You're probably thinking that doesn't sound fun...but honestly it's one of the best trips I go on each year!! Our activities in SK include: going to the beach or pool, eating and sleeping. I am not kidding you. Oh sometimes we watch tv or read or play cards. But that's it. The weather of course was great the entire time, and although I came back tan - I am not the brown bear from years past (thank goodness for that.)

3. Friends. Well for whatever reason I will continue to be amazed at the evolution of relationships. Do circumstances change? Do people change? Is it both and you either grow apart or you grow together? I'm not really sure, but I do know that wherever something starts to fade something else starts to come into the light. I'm on a constant quest to grow and evolve and relationships play a huge part in that. I've prayed for a long time that the right people would be in life. That they would people that encourage and strengthen me. That when i'm around them I feel better about myself, not drained. I have lots of amazing friendships that i've developed over the years, but I truly believe that the RIGHT people are in my life at this very moment. That I have many people in my life that actually care about me and I don't have to update them on my life everytime we see each other-because they know and they've been there every step of the way.

The Happiness Project

It's the title of the current book i'm reading. When I first heard about this book, I was super excited for many reasons as i'm always on a search for happiness! I started reading it last week since we were Florida bound and I always get a couple of books in while we're down there.
As expected this book is great! I had read mixed reviews about the author since she was from a pretty wealthy family and making a career as a writer in NYC many people thought it was odd she was giving advice on happiness since she already seemed to have all the ingredients for it.
Oh well...this book is easy to understand, filled with quotes (you know how I love my quotes) and just alot of really good stories and ideas. Everytime I pick it up, I get a new idea for something. It's not so much a self help book, but a "hey this is what I did and it worked for me" book.
So with that said, i've already got a few ideas going for my own Happiness Project! Can't wait to share them with you!

Kicks

These are my new shoes. Who cares you say? Well since i've been running outdoors for the last 10 days or so, I care! The process of getting these was more intricate than any other shoe buying experience...and you know how much I heart shoes! So my running buddy and I head out to Fleet Feet (I think that's the name?) Anyhow I was instructed to run on a treadmill without my shoes and socks. Now you know the germaphobe in me was super grossed out by this. Well then the kind people make a video of how your feet look when you're running to assess your shoe needs. Weird. So then they come out with a few pairs that are recommended to your needs. Whatever. I think most of it's a crock, especially that you have to buy your shoes a 1/2 size bigger than what you wear. So ta-da Fleet Feet has determined these are what I need! If they look big...it's because they are!

Hey!

For whatever reason I always find myself blogging more when things aren't going well for me. It's not intentional, but I guess when things are going well for me - i'm out enjoying the good times!
So I thought it would only be appropriate that I mention that this has been a really good week!
Alot of it always has to do with perspective. I made a decision towards the end of last week that I was no longer going to get bogged down by all the BS. That I would rise above it and focus on the good. Totally worked! Yes, things are not perfect, but my attitude not sucking definitely helps with the imperfections:)

Exodus 14:13-14
13Moses told the people, Fear not; stand still (firm, confident, undismayed) and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians you have seen today you shall never see again.
14The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.

Rain YES!!

Don't be alarmed. I haven't been abducted by aliens. Normally I would give the rain a thumbs down. 99 out of 100 times I hate it. Yes hate. Not today.
Today i'm liking it - let me explain why. There's a song on my Christian radio station that I think we can all relate to no matter what our religious preferences. I don't any of the exact words except for "Jesus bring the rain." My interpretation about the lyrics is that that the artist is asking God for a little bit of rain (normally bad) to bring out the good in him. To show him how strong he is and how strong his resolve to be a person of faith is. I've been really challenged with this lately because I feel like i've not really displayed my "best side" during the last couple challenges i've faced. I've given into reacting the way I see others react to situations to try and get the same result they do (their own way.) So the last few days i've really tried to stay true to myself and the values that I hold close to my heart despite what's going on around me.
So today it rained and messed up my car wash ha ha! But I am grateful. I feel like the rain was washing away the rest of the dirty snow and with that dirty snow all the stressful emotions of the last few weeks since it was dumped on us. Hopefully. Cross your fingers.

Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole

This is seriously how I feel right now. Honestly I just keep asking myself "what am I doing wrong?" For a very long time I have not felt like my best was not good enough. But right now, I can come up with nothing that is good. I'm in more than just a funk. The reality is that things are not going well for me right now. Personally, professionally...all the ally's are not giving me anything to hang on to...it's very sad. I'm in a constant state of feeling sorry for myself and in a more constant state of trying to not feel sorry for myself. The contradiction itself is enough to cause my heartbeat to race.
I am a glass half full person. But as we speak (well I type and you read) my glass is literally half empty. I dunno what to do? Really I don't? I'm trying to quote Bible verses, and stay busy, and exercise, and eat right, and spend time with those that matter...but it's just not adding up:(
I thought...maybe if I go on a vacation? What if I went to Chicago for the weekend? But then I think "I shouldn't travel because what if something happens with work? I'll be mad I spent the money!" But then the me that's always sunny thinks "everything will be fine, and you should surround yourself with people and things that you love."
This post is so depressing...i'm sorry! But, I do feel better getting a little of it out there:)

OK

So it's Sunday (no kidding you say?) Sunday always makes me think of Monday and then suddenly i'm in a horrible mood. Well it's not horrible exactly, it's more malaise peppered with a little anxiety.
I had a horrible week last week. HORRIBLE. Seriously one thing after the next just kept going wrong and I could not get my mind to snap into "I will survive" mode. Without the kindness and friendship of a few key people I would have seriously taken a trip to the middle of nowhere and gladly stayed there.
So i'm thinking this week has got to be different! I must make it different! I've got to gather my killer optimism, by natural energetic bounce and my personal favorite: motivator to all those around me.
I needed alot of motivation last week. So sad because I hate having a pity party. But the pity sometimes is a necessary evil....dontcha think? I feel much better having been patted on the back a few times, but i'm ready to kick it into gear tomorrow! So dare I say this??? But c'mon Monday - show me what you got! I've got an army on my side that can last longer than 24 hours! HA!

Girl Crush

No it's not what you think. But yesterday was a monumental day for me. Ever since I started working out at the gym in Nationwide there's this girl i've tried to talk to a few times, but no instant connection was made (if you know me, you know I love the instant connections:)
This girl is tall, and fit and has the prettiest long blonde hair! Usually she's the type of girl i'd be jealous of, but I gave up being jealous of other people a long time ago!! Her dedication to the gym is truly admirable and I think she works out twice a day (I can't confirm this because it would take a bit of "recon" if you know-what-i'm-sayin!)
So yesterday i'm in the locker room and Allison starts chatting me up! We talked about how we're both trying to read more this year AND work out even when we're tired!! Commonalities!
Then she asks my name and says "oh it's beautiful!"
So Allison who works in the OGC...my new friend!!

January 23rd

23 is my lucky number. For many reasons such as: David Justice was my original favorite baseball player and he wore the #23, Christian Laettner was my original favorite Duke basketball player and he wore #32 which is 23 reversed. Also there's a way to make my birthday 11-2 add up to 23 (i'll explain in person if anyone ever cares to see how I come up with that.) Also Psalm 23 - when I can't remember any Bible verses, when I can't remember why exactly it is I have faith in God; I can always remember Psalm 23.

So as long as I can remember it's been my number - in softball i've only played with a #23 on my back. Anytime there's an option to pick it, most people know that i've already claimed it. Anytime i'm doing something and the #23 is involved I see it as a "sign" that things will be great (i'm prolly losing some of you with this:) but I won't apologize because this number thing is important to me!

So today is the 23rd and as you suspected I think alot of good things happen to me on this day every month. Today happens to be the birthday of someone I am very close to. Since getting to know this person, even though there have been roller coaster moments, my life is truly better. I am a kinder person because of them. So today on my luckiest day, I wish them a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I hope all your dreams come true and your life is filled with lots of happiness!

So below i've copied Psalm 23 for anyone who wants to read it! Have a great day!

Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Is It Over?

2010 has been a little crazy. To say the least. I've been a little overwhelmed, or underwhelmed...or a combination of both? And unfortunately i've realized that I blog more when i'm crabby then when i'm super super thrilled about life. I think most bloggers do this unconsciously because our blogs, after all, are a way for us to vent.
So i'm going to try a little experiment. For the next seven days i'm going to blog about one happy thing a day.
I'll start with this happy statement: since yesterday I feel like 2010 is taking an up-turn. Yesterday was a fairly good day and today I have nothing to complain about. I've also stumbled upon some new blogs with lots of pretty things and pretty pictures. That makes me smile:)

Haiti etc

I've always felt that my life had a bigger purpose than anything I was currently in pursuit of. This last week that has been reaffirmed by the devastating earthquake in Haiti. No I am not jumping on the bandwagon and pretending to give a rats because "everyone else is doing it." I truly have a passion for other people and would like to help however I can.
I did not have a "typical" upbringing. Even though there were alot of years that were super challenging for me, I am able to take those experiences and help others who are less fortunate.
All that to say: I want to go to Haiti. I told my boss a few minutes ago and a few friends know.
I feel like the more people I tell, the more will hold me accountable. Please hold me accountable!

Recap Failure

So I totally failed at recapping 2009. I just ran out of time...or maybe I was unmotivated? I don't actually know that anyone reads this either, so maybe I was just recapping it for myself? Either way as far as you know my year ended in April ha ha!! No actually it was a really good year! I felt discouraged on New Years Eve when reading a bunch of Facebook statuses that said things to the effect of "good riddance 2009!"
Now I know the economy was not good, and the housing market still sucked etc etc. But for me (and everything is about me) it was a good year. I learned alot about myself and took alot of steps in doing things for myself and not everyone else. Sometimes I think I substituted enabling one group of people to enable another, but that's not entirely true. I accomplished alot of goals and took action to better my life professionally, personally and most importantly spiritually.
I truly do feel like I grew up alot in 2009. I also eliminated a few one sided relationships and have made new friends who I believe are in my life to stay. I learned what it's like to meet a companion and now know the characteristics i'd like that companion to have.
I hate the fact that I might be jinxing myself, but seriously, 2010 is off to a great start! I know that if 2009 was a rebuilding year, than this one will build on all it's successes! Cheers 2010!