Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole

This is seriously how I feel right now. Honestly I just keep asking myself "what am I doing wrong?" For a very long time I have not felt like my best was not good enough. But right now, I can come up with nothing that is good. I'm in more than just a funk. The reality is that things are not going well for me right now. Personally, professionally...all the ally's are not giving me anything to hang on to...it's very sad. I'm in a constant state of feeling sorry for myself and in a more constant state of trying to not feel sorry for myself. The contradiction itself is enough to cause my heartbeat to race.
I am a glass half full person. But as we speak (well I type and you read) my glass is literally half empty. I dunno what to do? Really I don't? I'm trying to quote Bible verses, and stay busy, and exercise, and eat right, and spend time with those that matter...but it's just not adding up:(
I thought...maybe if I go on a vacation? What if I went to Chicago for the weekend? But then I think "I shouldn't travel because what if something happens with work? I'll be mad I spent the money!" But then the me that's always sunny thinks "everything will be fine, and you should surround yourself with people and things that you love."
This post is so depressing...i'm sorry! But, I do feel better getting a little of it out there:)

What I've Been Up Too

I've taken an unintentional break from blogging AND facebook! I know, i'm as shocked as you are...but i've been busy. Really busy. You know how it is when people say they're busy, but they're actually not - it's just an excuse to not see you? Well my friends in the blogoshpere, that is not what's going on here. I give you the top five things that have been occupying my time since last week:

5. Work

- It has been off the chain ridiculous. So much going on which makes it even more chaotic than usual. In addition to the organizational changes and my team leaving me for someone else (they're probably thrilled about this) i've had a new job opportunity come into the mix which i'm really excited about, but it's still up in the air.

4. Not living in a SUV by this lake thingy on the way to Jeffersonville

- this is sort of an inside joke, but it was my backup plan if I were in fact to get fired...I mean "let go." Scott let me know today that I would in fact be going with him to our new organization! I think my crying worked? Wait...did you really think I cried? Come on...I just begged a little:)

3. Moving

- I was prepped to move. Excuse me; i've been ready to move. So my bags all three or four or ten are packed. All I needed to do was move my bed, dresser, clothes and a few other miscellaneous things and it would have been a long chapter closed for me. Well Kim has had some really great movement with people looking at her house, so for right now that is off the table. I'm super excited for her, she needs/wants her house to sell something bad. We knew Murphy's Law would step in here the second I was ready. So for now, we'll put the Rosslyn Ave move on ice and start checking out apartments downtown!

2. Chicago

- I made it to the Windy this weekend. It had been awhile and looongg overdue, so I packed my snakeskin overnight bag and headed out on the road! It was super fun of course. Catching up with the usuals and then also Leah and Rachael from Judson (long overdue reunion.) I felt like a little bit of a party pooper because I didn't want to go "out" but seriously that part of my life is mostly over and I enjoy conversation where I can actually hear people now. So I did alot of face time, and I hoped everyone loved it as much as I did. The only thing I would change is having people meet me in a central location and not driving around so much. It's really time consuming and adds to the tiredness that traveling already causes.

1. Miami

- This is my first mention about this subject here, and I can't say that it won't be the last...I want to preserve the goodness and more importantly I need to do everything in my power to not jinx it. But let me just say that it's like I have no one else to talk to or spend time with. I could seriously talk to Miami for hours on end. Someone asked me yesterday what it is I don't like about M, and I had nothing. NOT ONE THING!! Oh no I said I wasn't going to jinx it, so i'm stopping. But I will say that you truly don't know how bad some relationships are until you have a good one. I think I have a good one **squeal**